Faithful

Yes, believe it or not, I’m still alive! Alive and well at that. :) What can I say, the time got away from me, and until now, I have had yet to post on the last two months I had in New Zealand!!!

As I got ready to write this, I considered leaving out any detailed stories, and instead just writing rather abstractly on what those last two months were like, and what I am already able to see the Lord as having used that season of my life for. Throughout my time there, I jotted down bits of stories with the intention of looking back over them when I got around to writing an update and expanding on them then. However, after reading through all of my jottings, I was reminded of so many sweet works of the Lord, renewed in my awareness of His goodness, and overwhelmed with thankfulness to Him for getting to share in His glory. All that to say, here comes yet another insanely long (and last!) update.

So, near the beginning of May, the Bells went up to the North Island to visit family for about five days. Some of these days were during the last week Linda had in Christchurch before heading back home to Sweden. This worked out so well because it gave the two of us the opportunity to spend even more quality time together than usual. We got to share plenty of meals together, go for a couple of runs, and have great conversation with one another. One of my ‘jottings’ for this update was written on Thursday, May 7th…

Linda and I made dinner and stayed up talking until around 11 o’clock. We get into a pretty full on conversation about the Lord and the ease versus the difficulty of following Him. It came to a point where Linda told me that while she absolutely believed that I genuinely believe God to be Who He says He is in Scripture, the God who we can now be in a relationship with because of His act of saving and redeeming us through Jesus, she just can’t believe it for herself.

“If He were so powerful, why is it so hard to believe? Why doesn’t He just make Himself known, so that there is no doubt whatsoever in anyone’s mind?” she asked.

We went into this for a bit, and a few minutes later, with the understanding that I would not take it personally due to previous discussions we had had about her bluntness, she asked, “Plus, don’t you think it’s easier to follow the kind of God like the One you’re talking about than the kind of god I often hear people speak of?”
“No,” I responded. “No, I think it’s actually much harder to follow a God who is after your heart than it is one with whom you can follow by simply completing a check-list of do’s and don’ts at the end of the day. If all I had to do was pray 5 times a day, make a pilgrimage, and show up at mosque, it would be far easier than being in a living relationship with Someone who desires to be with me 24/7…Someone who is calling me to freedom, truth, and life every waking moment, and teaching me to respond in ways that will bring these things overflowing into my life.”

Linda was slowly nodding her head. I don’t mean to imply that the nodding indicated her coming to believe, but rather, that it indicated she had been listening intently, as she always does.

Two days later, Saturday, May 9th, my good friend Carolina came over for lunch and the same sort of thing came up in conversation. (This is not verbatim, but as close to it as I can remember).

Carolina: “I’ve been going through the gospel of John, and I have been living with people who are living their lives in a way that exhibits the love of Jesus that I’m reading about…and I want to be like those people. Because it’s just so beautiful…the way they love. I guess I’m just at a place right now where I’m considering how much it would cost me to follow Him…I know my lifestyle would have to change in some pretty drastic ways, and I just don’t know if I’m ready for that or willing for that to happen….”

Me: “I totally hear and respect that, Carolina. I think it’s awesome that you recognize how life-encompassing following Jesus is. If you were to start following Him expecting and wanting it to be easy, you’re going to be unpleasantly surprised. That’s for sure.
If anyone tells you that following Christ is easy, don’t believe it for a second….”

Carolina: “That’s good to hear.”

I smiled. It was just so cool that we were so freely getting to talk about this.
“My life since I’ve decided to follow Him is so much harder than I ever could have expected it to be…but so, so, so much more worth it and so much more beautiful. And that is the truth.”

We talked about the incredible temptation to judge a message by the messenger. As messengers of God, representatives of Him, we often wrongly relay the message; the Good News. And while this is incredibly disappointing, we can take heart in the fact that the message itself never changes. And in fact, it CANNOT change.

I shared with her one of the reasons that I think following Jesus is particularly hard. And that being how you often have to put up with being thought of as someone you’re not. For instance- as someone who hates homosexuals. Some people, upon discovering that you are a Christian, automatically assume that you hate people of that sexual orientation. And that's rough- because you know that's not true about you, yet that label can be placed on you so determinedly....

But it sure would be a shame to decide to not follow Christ out of fear of what other people will think of you.

I’d rather be held captive by love than fear any day.

Saturday, May 9th- Linda and I went out for a run in the rain to the gym and back. I don’t think I would have gone had we not already committed to doing so together. We talked about how, in a way, we liked going against the elements of nature.

When we got back to the Bells, I checked the mailbox and saw I had a letter from my grandmother. The second paragraph of it read as follows: “It’s rainy here, but- I like the rain…” I looked up from the letter and laughed.

She had written me to share a hymn she had heard at church recently called Lord of the Dance. All of the lyrics are amazing, but the last few stanzas are my favorite…

I danced on a Friday when the world turned black
It's hard to dance with the devil on your back
They buried My body, they thought I was gone
But I am the dance, and the dance goes on

Dance, dance, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the dance, said He
And I lead you all, wherever you may be
And I lead you all in the dance, said He

They cut me down and I leapt up high
I am the life that will never, never die
I'll live in you if you'll live in me
I am the Lord of the dance, said He.

Thursday, June 4th- Sunday, May 10th- I had decided I was going to go on a run right after returning from a day-trip to Akaroa with Holly and Linda, about an hour drive from Christchurch. When we got back though, it was pretty nasty, (dark, cold, and rainy), and I changed my mind. A half an hour went by, and as I thought back to the run Linda and I had gone on the day before in the rain, I found myself changing into running gear.

I ran one of the usual routes I had found since being here. My shoes were soon covered in mud, and my socks soaked from the inside out. On my way back home, while running across one of the large fields in the park, I made a turn right into the wind and the rain and noticed my reaction to quickly be one of changing my direction. But again, I thought about what Linda and I had talked about earlier of there being something really cool about going up against weather that is less than prime. It’s the whole idea of taking the road less traveled. Or better yet, it’s what Jesus was talking about when He said:

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13-14.

Going against the grain…it’s very rarely easy, but always incredibly worth it.

I turned back into the elements full on. I ran until stopping to get on my hands and knees and pray with the Lord for what He had put on my heart. It was dark, and I was the only one in the whole field, and yet there was so much power present. Power and love closer than my very skin.

It is the Spirit of God, the Spirit of Jesus Christ that empowers us live as we were created to. I am more sure of that than I am sure I am breathing.

Thursday, May 14th- I met Linda for lunch on campus with most everyone from her class. (Only seven others! What can I say, fire engineering is a pretty specific field of study!) It was really cool for her to invite me into that time, as it was the last time that she was spending with these people before leaving the country. After a good lunch with all of them, she and I said goodbye to the group and walked to a coffee shop where we reflected on memories we had made with one another over the past few months, and shared in some sweet laughter with one another. :)

On the way back home, we stopped to take some pictures of the beautiful fall foliage. We talked about how significant it is to receive encouragement from someone whom you know you have very different beliefs from. We talked about how easy it is to look for the bad things in such a person… reasons to affirm to yourself how that person is wrong and why your ideas and viewpoints are better. We agreed that we were really thankful to be on the encouraging side rather than the negative side in regards to how we feel and think about one another.

On Saturday, May 16th, it was time to say goodbye to Linda… I gave her The Shack at the airport and told her I thought she’d really enjoy it because of the different perspective of God that I thought it would give her. I was a bit hesitant to give it to her because of the fact that it is written in English, and English is not her first language. I smiled when she said that she didn’t mind that at all, and that in fact, she felt it was a good thing because it would help her improve.

It was hard for me to say goodbye to this beautiful person who had become such a dear friend of mine over the past three months, not having any idea as to whether or not I would ever see her again. I knew it had been nothing but a gift to be a daily part of her life for a short season, and to see the sweet ways God was calling her to Himself in that season. As she left, I found myself clinging to the truth that God allows us, as followers of Him, to plant seeds, but He is the One who does the growing.

What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each their task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. 1 Corinthians 3:5-8.

This holy work is work that we only share in the beginning, middle, or end stage of. God is in it all along, leading it, and He brings it to completion. Choosing to trust in and put my hope in that is comforting- genuinely and wonderfully comforting- but often hard.


Our small group (with Navigators) decided somewhat last minute to take a short weekend trip together to Hanmer Springs- an hour or two drive from Christchurch. My friend Kristen organized the renting of a sweet as soccer mom van for the weekend, and everyone swung by the airport around 2:00, (where I had been to see Linda off), picked me up, and off we went to Hanmer Springs for what ended up being such a rejuvenating, and beautiful weekend. Highlights included:

-Praying with Nicole out in the wind on the porch Saturday night.

-Talking with Lauren before going to bed about praying for the children we will someday have, (if God chooses to bless us with them), and feeling incredibly encouraged by the wisdom God shared with me through her. She spoke of how good she was finding this time away from home to be in the way of it being used to personally develop her walk with the Lord. She spoke of Him using this time away to prepare her to better love all of her friends and family back home once this time is over, and meanwhile, loving the people around her in the here and now- not because she is seeking to develop lifelong friendships with them, but just because. Because we are loved in full by God; loved with a love that is not self-seeking, but rather, unconditional. Love that expects nothing in return. It was just what I needed to hear. Was I surprised? No. But amazed? Always.

We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. 1 John 3:16

Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 2 Corinthians 5:14

-Falling asleep Saturday night to the sound of incredible wind and rain.

-Sweet, sweet worship time together the next morning. Lynton encouraged us to ask the Lord for sensitivity to certain themes He is undoubtedly developing in each of our lives. He shared Isaiah 60 with us and asked if there were certain passages in Scripture that any of us felt the Lord continually drawing us toward with themes He is developing in our lives. Lauren shared Psalm 30, Annalie shared Jeremiah 30, and I shared 1 Corinthians 15:58.

On the way back to Christchurch, we talked about how sweet the weekend had been because of the fellowship…

"When you come together in My name, I'm there with you.” Matthew 18:20

I came back to Christchurch so thankful. What a gift to have been able to spend such incredible quality time with such an awesome group of friends, particularly right after having to say goodbye to Linda. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. He is always good.

Monday, May 26th- Carolina and I made pizza at Jess and Scott’s house. Carolina and I had met Jess and Scott, a young married couple, through Campus Church. After eating the delicious pizza, Scott played the piano and we all talked about how cool it was to sit and think about God having us meet and share this sweet time together, when, four months ago, most of us didn’t know one another from Joe Shmoe! :)

Wednesday, May 28th- I got to go to a Young Life club! A sweet young junior girl named Emily really took to me quickly, despite the fact that I had only known her for about 5 minutes. It was amazing to be reminded through this of how entirely attractive Jesus is. After club, it was especially cool to talk with my friend Hamish, one of the leaders, about how encouraging it was to hear of the time their team is spending really investing in one another…

By this, everyone will know that you are My disciples: if you love one another. John 13:35 This is our Navs small group, minus Doug and Lauren!!

This was the verse/theme/concept that was on my heart more than any other the last semester before coming to New Zealand, and it was so wonderful to see a different group of believers, Hamish and the other leaders, responding to the Lord’s call to love one another extravagantly- and see the world changed through that love!!!

When I got home, Raewyn asked how the night had been and I shared with her the blessing that it’s been to not be involved regularly with YL during my time in New Zealand. God has been doing an awesome work while I’ve been here of reminding me what my identity and value are to be found in. My identity should not be found in the things I’m involved in or in any talent or relationship I have…. Rather, my self-worth is found in Christ and in Him alone. I am of value because I am His. It was great to be able to talk with her.

On Tuesday, June 2nd, it was the last Navs big group meeting of the semester. Lynton shared John 13:35 with us as an ending work of encouragement. I just laughed.

It was an emotional night for quite a few people, having to say goodbyes and everything. Olivia and I were some of those who were not crying however, and we talked then about how good it is to cry…how human it is…how incredible of a release it is. She told me that she wouldn’t mind prayer for her ability to cry, as she had been unable to do so ever since being Christchurch.

Hannah and Merodie gave me a ride home, and as Hannah (who had been the most emotional), said she didn’t much like goodbyes, Merodie reminded us with such gentleness that saying goodbye to brothers and sisters in God’s family is never really goodbye.

“You’re right….” “It’s true…” we responded.

We prayed together in the car outside of the Bell’s driveway, said ‘see you later’ and parted ways.
(This is a poster Jazz made for our small group and gave to us this night! The photos are ones that were taken of our group throughout the semester).

Wednesday, June 3rd- Shortly after waking up, I checked my email and found that I had a message from my beautiful friend Aubree Ellis. I hadn’t heard from Aubs for awhile, and she had written me to tell me….that she is pregnant! I cried tears I had been wanting to cry for awhile. Hard, flowing, and beautiful tears. I laughed when I remembered the conversation Olivia and I had just had the night before, and the prayer we had prayed for the ability to cry.

Later on, I went for a run and stopped for one of the very last times at a swing in a nearby park. I had found this park a month or two into arriving in Christchurch, and after having found it, had gone to it almost every time I’d go out for a run. I had a strong and undeniable tugging on my heart to swing on one of the swings in the playground the first day I saw it. Instead of doing so straightaway however, I had found myself having to battle with the part of me that said doing so was foolish…something an adult wouldn’t, and even shouldn’t do. This was a battle I was not going to quickly accept defeat in because of the awareness God had given me of the joy that comes from having faith like a child. A minute or two later, I was swinging on the swing, and loving every second of it. :)

The playground was right in front of a parking lot for a local gym that was right on the edge of the park, so there were usually quite a few people going in and out of the area. After the first time swinging, I found myself making a point to do it nearly every time I ran over to that side of the park. And every time, I still faced this inner battle of having to fight off this question I felt myself being challenged with that asked, “What are you doing Caitlin? Don’t you care that people probably think you look ridiculous? They might even think you have some mental disorder- don’t you want people to know the truth? You don’t want people to think you’re someone you’re not, do you?” And every time, I kept right on swinging because I knew the truth is that the joy, faith, and love of a child is incredibly precious in the eyes of my Father.

I refuse to compromise His calling over me to be as a child for the approval of people. I just will not do it. Is this stubbornness? Perhaps it is, but perhaps a bit more stubbornness is necessary in this tolerance-obsessed culture we live in that feeds into living to please people. Doing so is in absolute contradiction to living to God, and I am without question guilty of falling to this. But not this last day. I was not going to submit to fear that day.
So, with a smile on my face, I said to the middle-aged woman who looked at me as she passed by me swinging, “I’m still a kid at heart, so I figure, why not?” I paused. “I think it’s really quite sad how we tend to be scared to do these types of things as we get older.” She smiled a warm smile back at me, and went on her way.

Thursday, June 4th- The following day, I ran to the same park, but not to the area where the swings were. Instead, I ran to where there was a waterfall and decided to take a break there. There were two children playing by it, and I started talking with them. A few minutes later a man, (the dad of one of the children), came and struck up conversation with me. I found out he was from Capetown, South Africa, (which I thought somewhat ironic, because that was the other place I had considered studying abroad in). He was such a character, very lively, and very passionate. We ended up talking for about a half an hour and near the end of our conversation, we were talking about identity. (Which I was again amazed, but not surprised by, as it was one of the major themes that God had put on my heart during this season).

Grant shared with me a story of how he had seen people in third-world countries wearing soccer jerseys of teams they didn’t even like, and how we would never even think of doing that. I found this to be a pretty clear example of how true it is that we are so prone to find our identity in how others perceive us. Everything was culminating to the fact that as followers of Jesus, our identity is in Him and in Him alone. The Lord was making more and more real to me how utterly freeing this is. “My greatest asset is God,” Grant said, as I got ready to run back home. “Absolutely,” I said. And how awesome this is.

Regular classes were over on the 5th of June, and we were given a week long study break before the two week exam period started. For one of my classes, I was not going to have a final exam at all, but rather two final essays, both of which were due at the very end of the month. In my other two classes, my professors decided to give the finals early, so I already had those out of the way before study break even began! (Yes, I only enrolled in three classes this semester, because College of Charleston students who study abroad are only allowed to receive 15 credits while away, and if things go as planned, I will receive those 15 credits through these three classes). All this to say, I had longer than just a week to “study” because I didn’t have any exams during exam week!

I decided to go to Australia since I was so relatively close to it, and since a friend of mine from high school, Grace, was studying abroad there in Melbourne, on the South Eastern Coast of Australia. Grace and I have known one another since we were probably two years old. We haven’t kept in much touch since graduating high school, but when we found out over Christmas break that we were both going to be studying abroad in the Southern Hemisphere, we thought, “How cool would it be to meet up!!?”

Grace had come over to New Zealand with some friends of hers a month or two before, and although she was only in Christchurch for a night, we had been able to meet up for dinner. It was really neat to see someone from home while half a world away. Grace told me I was more than welcome to come and stay with her at her dorm in Melbourne whenever I was able, along with whatever friends of mine wanted to come, so I took her up on her offer!


I took this photo on one of the last days with Grace in Melbourne. We were on a search for kangaroos at a Wildlife Conservatory five minutes from her campus!

I booked a flight to Australia with two friends of mine, Emily and Annalie, for 6 o’clock in the morning on July 6th. Emily I had met on the plane ride from Los Angeles to Auckland upon first traveling to New Zealand. (You may have read in one of my previous postings about the conversation she and I had and the sweet friendship that was formed after sitting together for 13 hours!) Annalie and I met through Navigators, and were part of the same small group. Emily only had a few days to spend in Australia, and then had to head back to Christchurch for exams, but Annalie and I had until the 16th.

Originally I was going to be done with all of my school assignments before leaving for Australia. The plan had been to do essentially nothing but travel the rest of the time I had in New Zealand, (my flight back to the U.S. was scheduled for the 9th of July), after getting back from Australia. Because of this, all loose ends were tied up and arrangements made for me to move out of the Bells house before leaving for Aussie. When I got an extension on some assignments, I realized this meant that I would have to be in Christchurch for a little over a week after coming back…and I needed a place to stay! Well, the Lord had given me some incredibly awesome friends in Christchurch, and I made plans to stay with three of them for when I got back from Aussie, each for a few days.

Moving out of the Bells the day before leaving for Australia went incredibly smoothly…until Isaac started crying tears to flood a river as I got in the car for Wynton to drop me off at Annalie’s. This wasn’t our final goodbye, as I knew that I would be making a point to see them again during the week or so that I had in Christchurch after getting back for Australia, but it was nonetheless a significant and difficult sort of goodbye. I found myself unable to swallow the lump in my throat as I watched the three of them, Issac, Nathan, and Raewyn, wave to me while standing in their front door. The tears started coming then.

This photo was taken on my 21st Birthday, May 31st, the night that the Bells had a birthday/going away dinner for me. Their family friends, the Puddles, came too and their son Nathan is the one making the funny face behind me. Nathan Bell is the one sitting right next to me. Is he ridiculously handsome or what?! I only wish Isaac had been in this photo as well. I think he was the one behind the camera though!

Even though the drive to Annalie’s was short, it was special. I told Wynton that Linda and I had talked about whether or not we would ever consider having students live in our home once we had one of our own. I told him that both of us think we would like to. He shared with me how he really enjoys hosting study abroad students because of his belief that every culture reveals different characteristics of God. I thought this was interesting and wondered to what extent the characteristics of the Lord that they had seen through me were there because of my culture.

The trip to Australia was a great one all in all. Highlights included….

-Reconnecting with Grace. :) We laughed over the fact that we were spending more time together while in different countries than we had over the past three years of being away at college but on the same coast! It was really neat to be able to experience one another outside of our hometown, Waynesboro, VA. I think embracing opportunities to do this with friends can greatly magnify the friendship you share. This belief was verified in the time spent with Annalie and Emily, too.


This photo was taken on Emily and Mandy's last day in Melbourne, and Emily had been set on finding a cool place to share a bottle of wine together. We spent a couple of hours here, just talking and laughing and sharing life with one another. It is probably the best memory I have of time spent in Melbourne. From left to right is: Me, Emily, Mandy, (a good friend of Emily's who flew down from Brisbane to hang out with us for a couple of days), and Annalie.

After spending nearly a week in Melbourne, it was onto Sydney to meet up with Annalie, who had flown from Melbourne to Cairns to scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef for a couple of days! We got into Sydney around 4 o’clock in the afternoon, and headed off for the hostel we had booked to stay in. We didn’t have a game plan for the rest of the day, but we did have a short ‘To Do’ list, and high on that list was trying kangaroo! (Sorry for all the vegetarians reading this who are probably incredibly grossed out by that). We caught a bus to a part of town called ‘The Rocks’, (the first developed part of Sydney), and found a restaurant there called The Australian that someone had told us had kangaroo pizza. It was delicious! Or at least, I thought so. Annalie thought it tasted like ham. Ha!!!

Since it was currently winter in the Southern Hemisphere, by the time we finished eating, the sun was already getting ready to go down. We found an access to a walk over the Harbour Bridge that led to the Opera House and decided to go for it. It was a decision we were so glad to have made, because Sydney at night is awesome!!! The walk was at a place in the city that was outside of all the hustle and bustle. As we were looking on all the lights shining over the water, I really felt that it was pretty magical. Annalie and I liked Sydney a lot already. :)

I think it was the next afternoon while on a bus that Annalie and I talked about how fruitful it has been in our lives when we have made time to memorize Scripture. So fruitful, that it is honestly quite baffling as to why we don’t do it all the time. We decided to memorize Hebrews 12:1-3 together. The themes of this passage ended up being completely relevant and strength-giving to us for the rest of our trip.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with

the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Another thing on our list of things to do, was to see the Blue Mountains, which were about two hours outside of Sydney. Our hostel hooked us up with a company that provided the ride there with a lunch and zoo stop on the way. This was at the zoo stop!!

The Blue Mountains were beautiful. Annalie and I were reminded so much of the Blue Ridge Mountains back home. Speaking of blue, on our last full day in Australia, we decided to check out the famous Bundi Beach. We knew it was winter time, and that it wouldn't be the same experience as it would be during the summer, but we thought it'd be worth going to see anyway....oh my goodness, was it!! The only disappointment was that we didn't bring our bathing suits!! People were out surfing, boarding, and having a grand old time in the water!! And it was WARM! The Lord really just gave us this incredible beautiful day out of nowhere, because we hadn't experienced weather like that the whole time we had been in the country.

Annalie and I found a Coastal Walk to go on, had sweet conversation along it, and an even sweeter time of prayer together when we stopped up on some rocks after about an hour or so of walking. This is the water that we were looking at the whole time.


Unbelievably beautiful, I know. One of my all-time favorite places. Easily.

Although the whole trip turned out really well, for me the sweetest time of all came the very last night. Annalie and I spent over an hour talking through Scripture before going to bed. God made so many sweet connections for us and gave us so many awesome affirmations that we couldn’t help but just laugh!!! Perhaps the coolest part of all was talking about how crazy it is to think of there being a new heaven… I mean, a new heaven!??! If heaven is already infinitely perfect in every way, in what way can it be new?! Yet, it is a promise of God… and we believe it.

I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. Isaiah 65:17



Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5



Annalie and I got back to Christchurch on the 16th a little after midnight. Lauren came to pick us up at the airport, and Olivia had waited up to meet us at Annalie’s. The four of us sat in Annalie’s room for an hour or two catching up about the happenings of the last 10 days, and then decided it might be a good idea to get some sleep. :)

The last week and a half that I had in Christchurch before leaving for a trip up the South Island and into the North was more than sweet. Honestly, the Lord blew me away with the goodness of those 10 days!!

I stayed three nights with Olivia and got to meet her parents when they came in town. I was amazed and inspired by how unselfish Olivia was with her time. Not only was she so gracious as to be cool with me staying with her in the midst of her exam week, but she also invited me to everything she was doing with her parents, despite the fact that she only had a limited amount of time to spend with them.

I think my favorite thing of all about Olivia is how ridiculously fun she is to laugh with. Laughing together is probably what we do most in our friendship. :)

I stayed the next three nights with my good friend Lauren, who, like Olivia, is American and was in the same Navs small group with me. Lauren is wonderful. There are very few people who I have seen the peace and freedom of Jesus so clearly in. It is a challenge to feel anxious around Lauren, because she carries that peace and freedom with her wherever she goes. She carries Jesus.

Like every other human being however, Lauren has burdens she struggles with. The first night I was with her, as we were getting ready to go to sleep, she asked me if she could share something with me that had been heavy on her heart. I answered with a whole-hearted, “Yes, absolutely.” What followed was a beautiful time of confession, grace, and healing that left us both amazed and humbled by the power and love of God.

Because Lauren acted out of faith in sharing her burden with me, God blessed it. What she shared was something that I had had a strikingly similar struggle with. After having shared my burden with her, we both acknowledged how unbelievably good Satan is at making us feel completely and utterly alone in our struggles... when in reality, we are not.


I believe the reason that we are so often blind to this reality is because of our failure to take the Lord up on His wonderful calling for us to share our burdens with each other. To do so requires a swallowing of our pride and a trust in the righteousness of such obedience to Jesus…obedience that we are promised will bear fruit!

Yet now I am glad, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. 2 Corinthians 7:9-11


Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

These series of photos were taken the day before Lauren left for the States. The four of us, (from left to right: Lauren, Me, Josh, and Brady), drove out to Taylor's Mistake, about twenty minutes from Christchurch in search of a hike to go on out there. It was the first time I had ever been, and I found it to be one of the most beautiful places in all of New Zealand.

I was initially somewhat bummed about this because here it was, just a few days before I was getting ready to leave Christchurch, and was only just discovering this place that had essentially been in my backyard for the past 4 months!! Being bummed only lasted for a moment however, as the Lord turned my mind to dwell on the fact that I was at least getting to see it even once.


Right before the photo of the four of us was taken, we prayed on the rocks together. We had been in the same small group throughout the semester, and had formed such sweet and solid bonds with one another. I remember the next day, I ran into Josh on campus, and he told me that God had already answered one the specifics thing we had prayed for. It was something that had been a particular personal concern of his and something he could have easily just kept to himself. But because he opened up and allowed us to be a part of it, we were able to be a part of his joy in having the prayer answered, too.


The next three nights I stay with another really good friend of mine, Nicole. The beauty of Jesus radiates from this woman. Nicole and I met in February in the Los Angeles Airport at the gate where about 30 students who were going to be studying in Christchurch were waiting to board the 13-hour flight to New Zealand. If you have read all of this blog, you will have read in one of the very first postings that the five minute conversation Nicole and I had that day was one of excitement for whatever the Lord was going to do during this upcoming season of our lives.

To my disappointment, Nicole and I didn’t see each other the first couple of weeks after arriving in Christchurch. And then, as God would have it, she ended up joining our Navs small group a week or two late!! The week she first came I had been gone, but Olivia had told me that two new girls had joined our group. I honestly remember thinking to myself, “I bet Nicole is one of those girls. I just bet the Lord would do that.” And sure enough….He did!! Hahaha, how crazy wonderful. :)

The joy, beauty, and pure love of Nicole can simply not be explained any way other than saying that it is straight from Jesus Christ. Her heart is captivated by her King, and it is awe-inspiring to be around. The first night I stayed with her, we stayed up until 3:30 in the morning praying and talking before falling asleep. The presence of His Spirit with us that night was so entirely evident!

Again...when two or more of us come together in His name, He is there with us! Matthew 18:20

We laughed with joy and gratitude in our hearts over the fact that God had been at the center of our friendship from the very very beginning. :)

Nicole left on June 26th, and after seeing her off, her roommate Sina and I walked back to their dorm together and ate lunch with one another. I had not taken for granted Sina’s kindness toward me over the past few days I had been staying at their dorm, as I’m sure my constant knocking on their door when Nicole wasn’t with me to let me in could have easily been very annoying. But Sina had only responded in kindness. We had developed a friendship, and over lunch she turned to me and asked, “What religion are you?”

I got to share my testimony with her! She seemed to be genuinely listening and genuinely interested.It was really beautiful for me to see how God had given me a shortcut of sorts in regards to winning the right to be heard with her, (despite the lack of time we have had to get to know one another), simply because of our mutual friendship with, trust, and love for Nicole. Nicole had put in the work of investing the whole semester in winning that right with Sina, and simply because I was good friends with Nicole, Sina's level of trust for Nicole was extended to me. I was blown away and refreshed by the power of the Spirit!!!

I spent my very last night in Christchurch with Olivia again, who was incredibly gracious to be cool with that, because she was leaving the next day as well and had essentially all of her packing left to do when I came over around 11 that night after submitting my final assignments.

This photo was taken on one of the very first days I was in New Zealand. Jetboating with some locals was a part of our program's 3-day orientation! Olivia and I barely knew one another at this point, but a sweet friendship was already developing. :)

On the morning of June 28th, Wavney picked me up around 9 to drop me off at the Airport to board my plane around 10. I was off on a week and half trip up the South Island and eventually into the North. First stop: Nelson- In the middle of the Upper South Island. It was strange leaving Christchurch and not knowing if I would ever be back again. In thinking about that, I was reminded of the fact that the reality is, when we leave any place here on earth, we never know whether we’ll be back again. And yet, we so often live as if this isn’t the case…as if we have all the time in the world…as if tomorrow is guaranteed…

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you don’t even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that. James 4:13-15

In Nelson, I had the pleasure of staying with my friend Dee’s parents. Dee was one of the very first people I met in the Navigators community. Her parents were just as great as she was!! Her mom picked me up from the airport, took me back to their house, and let me take their precious little dog for a walk. I thought it was so cool that she would have such a level of trust for me after having just met me minutes before.

After getting back home from the walk, the two of us went to downtown Nelson and looked around some stores briefly before grabbing coffee at this cool little local place. After coffee, she took me on a hike that started off in the middle of downtown, called Centre New Zealand. Boy was it steep! And incredibly windy once we got to the top!! (Not to mention gorgeous). We laughed a lot, talked about Dee and her recent engagement that we were both really excited about, and had a sweet conversation about the Body of Christ not being confined to a building.

She shared with me how she and Mr. Shaw had been very hurt years ago by the church as an institution, and had since not gone back. She told me that it stinks having people make assumptions that the two of them have walked away from God because they have walked away from the institution. I told her that I completely understood where she was coming from, and had struggled over the past few years with what the Lord would have my involvement in the church as an institution be…because I, like her, believe God’s vision of church to be much greater than a building where people meet on Sunday mornings, sing a few songs, try not to fall asleep during the sermon, make a monetary offering, and then go home.

We talked about the Lord’s desire of the church being a group of people who are seeking truth, hope, and life, and trusting that it is found in Him. We talked about His amazing desire for us to live in this sort of fellowship, this sort of life-giving community…in which Jesus is held at the center, and in which those who are a part of it support and look out for one another as brothers, sisters, and true friends.


How does the actual building fit or not fit into this? That is the question I struggle with answering.


Francis Chan, pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California and author of Crazy Love, offers some insight into this struggle in an interview he recently took.

Q: The emergent movement calls for a change in the church. How is your
message and approach different?

A: As a pastor I hear a lot of emergent leaders talk about what is wrong with the church. It comes across as someone who doesn’t love the church. I’m a pastor first and foremost, and I’m trying to offer a solution or a model of what church should look like. I’m going back to scripture and seeing what the church was in its simplest form and trying to recreate that in my own church. I’m not coming up with anything new. I’m calling people to go back to the way it was. I’m not bashing the church. I’m loving it.

Q: You begin your new book by saying that something is wrong with the
American church. Do you think American church members agree with you?

A: At first I thought it was just me. Then I stood before twenty thousand Christian college students asked, “How many of you have read the New Testament and wondered if we in the Church are missing it?" When almost every hand went up, I felt comforted. At least I'm not crazy.

I think it’s far too easy to blame the American church without acknowledging that we are each part of the church and therefore responsible. But I think we all feel deeply, even if we haven’t voiced it, that the church in many ways is not doing well. I get nervous when I think of how we’ve missed who we are supposed to be, and sad when I think about how we’re missing out on all that God wants for the people He loved enough to die for.

Q: Why do you think so many Christians blame the church for their failures?

A: We all need to justify our actions. The easiest thing to do when we’re not living how God wants us to is to blame someone or something else. It’s not unique to the church. You set it everywhere, people blaming their parents, a chemical imbalance, whatever, rather than looking to themselves and changing who they are through the Holy Spirit. The same thing happens in the church. All of us who have the Holy Spirit have the potential to live a "crazy love" type of life, but it's easier to not live it and blame someone for that.

Q: So how do you recommend that we begin to address the church’s problems?

A: We need to stop giving people excuses not to believe in God. You’ve probably heard the expression “I believe in God, just not organized religion.” I don’t think people would say that if the church truly lived like we are called to. The expression would change to “I can’t deny what the church does, but I don’t believe in their God.” At least then they’d address their rejection of God rather than use the church as a scapegoat.

We must begin by looking at how the Bible calls us to live our lives. It is important that we not measure our spiritual health by the people around us, who are pretty much like us. To begin this journey, we must first address our inaccurate view of God and, consequently, of ourselves. But before we look at what is wrong and address it, we need to understand something. The core problem isn’t the fact that we’re half-hearted Christians. The crux of it all is why we are this way, and it is because we have an inaccurate view of God. We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that He’s great and deserves to be the center of our lives.


Q: So the change begins with an understanding of who God is?

A: Yes, that is square one. The very fact that a holy, eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, merciful, fair, and just God loves you and me should be nothing short of astonishing.

The wildest part is that Jesus doesn’t have to love us. His being is utterly complete and perfect, apart from humanity. He doesn’t need me or you. Yet He wants us, chooses us, even considers us His inheritance (Ephesians 1:18).

The greatest knowledge we can ever have is knowing we’re treasured by God.

That really is astounding beyond description. The irony is that while God doesn’t need us but still wants us, we desperately need God but don’t really want Him most of the time. He treasures us and anticipates our departure from this earth to be with Him— and we wonder, indifferently, how much we have to do for Him to get by.

Our love for Him always comes out of His love for us. Do you love this God who is everything, or do you just love everything He gives you? Do you really know and believe that God loves you, individually and personally and intimately?

If we truly grasp the implications of the “crazy love” our God has for us, we would live life differently.

The series of photos in this section don't really have any direct correlation with the content! The first one, of the beautiful plant of sorts, is one that I took in a Botanical Garden in Melbourne, Australia. The peacock photo I took at a zoo outside of Sydney. The one after that is of the Harbour Bridge- the famous bridge in Sydney directly across from the Opera House. The fourth was taken while hiking Abel Tasman National Park, (which I write in more detail about in the paragraphs that follow!) The fifth is yet another photo taken in Sydney, at Hillsong Church where Annalie and I got to worship one night, and the fifth, of the rainbow, was taken while overlooking the Blue Mountains, located about two hours outside of Sydney.
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After a great afternoon downtown, Mrs. Shaw and I headed back to her house. I met Mr. Shaw, and the three of us had a wonderful home-cooked meal and watched a movie together before heading to bed.

The next morning I caught a bus to Abel Tasman National Park to do some tramping (hiking) there for a couple of days. It was just a little over an hour on bus to get there from Nelson, and as I got ready to start the 6 hour hike for the day by myself, God blessed me with a hiking buddy! She was a German woman in her mid-40’s, who was from the North Island, but had come down to Abel Tasman to do some tramping and visit some old friends. This morning, she was by herself, so we were both glad to have found one another. :) She had done the hike before, so it was nice to have the comfort of following someone who was familiar with the area. We had great conversation throughout the day, and I rejoiced at the end of it in knowing that our time together had been purposeful.

When she and I arrived at the hut we were going to be staying in for the night, there were four other people there: one New Zealand couple in their late 30’s, and two young Americans. Eric and Amy were the Americans, and had both graduated from college a couple of years ago. The three of us stayed up talking that night for a couple of hours. I fell asleep in my sleeping bags by the fire to Amy reading Life of Pi.

The next morning after eating some breakfast, the three of us headed out for another 6 hour tramp to an area of the park called Anchorage. It didn’t take long before I lost sight of them though, because I wanted to stop at pretty much every overlook and really take the beauty in. After arriving at the hut in Anchorage later that afternoon, we saw a sunset that God packed some of the most brilliant pink I have ever seen into.
Amy, Eric, and I played cards with a man who was probably in his early 60’s, and I made some yummy pasta for dinner that I think I had bought for about 79 cents! The Shaws had been really generous to me in letting me borrow their pots and pans and mini gas stove type thing that they use on tramping trips. The huts don’t have any electricity, and at most of them, you have to boil the water that’s there in order for it to be safe to drink. All this to say: having what they let me borrow was such a gift.

The next morning, I woke up around 9, said goodbye to Eric and Amy, who had a different new destination for the day than I did, and had some sweet time in the Word on a bench outside of the hut. I was the only one there at this point, and I was surrounded by nothing but mountains, water, and the warm and beauty of the sunshine. It was a glorious time because the Lord quieted my mind and my heart and led me into a sweet worship of Him.

After about an hour of this sweet time, I left the hut to catch a water taxi that was going to pick me up about 5 minutes from where I was and take me back to where I needed to catch the bus back to Nelson. I had a general idea of where the taxi would pick me up, but when I got to that area, where there had been plenty of water the day before, there was nothing but land. The tide had gone in like crazy!!

At this point, it was only about five minutes before the taxi would be picking me up, and I had no cell phone service, no one else with me, and really no one with whom I could get in touch with anywhere close by. I had a massive hiking backpack that literally probably weighed close to 50 lbs., and was walking in sand. Needless to say, trying to run to the next spot I thought the taxi might be was not exactly a cinch. It was through some water and up a dune…and lo and behold, when I got on top of the dune, here came the water taxi!! It was one of those moments that you found yourself wishing someone was filming, because the timing was just so impeccable. I took this photo on the water taxi ride. It's called Split Apple Rock!

Back in Nelson later that day, I got to enjoy another delicious home-cooked meal with Mr. and Mrs. Shaw. The next morning, Mrs. Shaw dropped me off downtown where a bus picked me up to take me to Picton, two hours north of Nelson. From Picton I got on a three-hour ferry ride to the North Island. Eric, from the Abel Tasman tramping trip, and my friend Nicole from my Navigators small group were both on the same ferry ride! So the three of us sat together and took pictures as we crossed from one island to the other. The capital of New Zealand, Wellington, was our destination. Here, I had made plans to stay a couple of nights with my friend Anna, who I had met at Campus Church. As the ferry pulled into the Wellington Harbour, I could already tell I was going to like the city. It was just beautiful!! If you have ever been to San Francisco, the look of Wellington is very similar.

Anna and her mom picked me up once I got off the ferry, and took me to the highest place in the city- the Queen Victoria overlook. Back at Anna’s house, I met her dad and was treated to yet another delicious home-cooked meal. The next morning, Anna had something she had made plans to go to before knowing I was going to be coming, so while she went to that, her mom and I went out to breakfast at what was probably the most beautiful location for a little café place that I had ever seen.

We had an awesome conversation about the Lord, and I felt really cared for and comforted by Him getting to spend this time with this precious woman.

The rest of the day was spent with Anna exploring downtown Wellington, and the evening spent meeting her hilarious brother, whom we laughed over and over again with. The next morning it was off on another bus ride, this one to Tekapo, a city in the middle of the North Island. Here, I stayed in a hostel for a night. I only stopped in Tekapo because the distance from Wellington to my final destination, Auckland, was too far to try to make in one day. Tekapo was a mid-way point. I was glad to have stopped there though, because I met three wonderful Asian girls, who I shared a room with as well as dinner in the hostel with. I had a lot of extra pasta to share with them, and they had extra (homemade) sushi that they shared with me! Yum. :)

The next morning it was one last bus ride, this one to Auckland. In Auckland, I was met by Tim and Summer Haycock. I was connected with the Haycock Family through my good friend, Liz Ellis, who lived with them for a season of life a few years ago. Tim, Summer, and I enjoyed good coffee and conversation at a beautiful place overlooking what was called Missions Bay. From there, they drove me to Tim’s parents place in a suburb of Auckland called Beachlands. After meeting his wonderful mom and dad and setting my things down at their house, (since it was where I was going to be staying for the next few days), we all went to a community house in the neighborhood where they were having their once-a-month family dinner night.

What a joy it was to make a connection half-way across the world and be so warmly welcomed into the living community that they are a part of in the Auckland area. It was of the utmost encouragement to see the Lord doing such similar things there as He is in the community I know and am a part of in Charleston….of the utmost encouragement to see Him calling His people to look out for one another, to lay down their lives for one another…to point each other towards Jesus.

This is Baylin and Issac, two of the three beautiful grandchildren that the Haycocks have and that I was blessed to get to spend a great deal of time with during my time in Auckland!

The overriding thing I took away from the week and a half long trip from Christchurch up to Auckland was the amazing hospitality I received throughout that time. God gave me an awesome blessing in getting to spend time with such generous people. People whose generosity flowed out of their desire to love with the love of Jesus.

I left New Zealand with my heart full. Full of thanks for the time the Lord had given me to learn, grow, be stretched, live, and love there for the season that He did. Full of amazement over the crazy way He so wonderfully orchestrates the paths of those whom ours cross with, and amazement over the purpose behind each relationship. Full of joy over having been reminded by Him that I am of great worth simply because I am His- not because of anything I do, or anything other people think of me. This was proven through Jesus dying willingly for me so that I might live.

God saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:5-7

What a great, great, God we have!!! Thanks to all who have followed any of this blog. It is a joy to share some of the ways in which I witness the Lord’s majesty and extravagant, life-consuming love. My deepest prayer, the prayer that engulfs all of who I am, is that our hearts are turned toward the heart of our Saviour and King more and more each day. May He be exalted as He is infinitely worthy of being exalted!


The Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:5